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Today’s Totally Terrific Tantalizingly Tallied Top Ten Tour Tale Topics! Take 13!

Day 13: Now York City!

1) Drove 7.5 hours to Washington, DC. We are alive! Not DeCeased. Good name for Zombie George though: Washington DeCeased.
2) At dinner at Native Foods, a restaurant that Kasey knew from her native land of LA.
3) Did two real fun shows put on my Max Rosenblum’s Last Resort Comedy with old friend the hilarious Robert Mac and new friend the hilarious Natalie McGill and medium-lengthed friend (just right, in the parlance of Goldilocks) the aforementioned (and also hilarious) Max Rosenblum. Such a fun time!
4) Kasey made friends with some women at the show by pointing out that one of them had some toilet paper on her shoe. (The modern-day version of pulling a thorn from a lion’s paw.) Female solidarity!
5) I reiterate how great Robert Mac is, in order to also tell you you might very much enjoy his album, “Know More Robert Mac.” It’s fun to say! He says many things that are fun to hear.
6) Fell asleep during Daredevil once more. Wouldn’t be tour without it! Or would! But isn’t. Is? Woke up! Left for NYC at 7:30am in order to get rental car back in time. WILL IT HAPPEN? STAY TUNED TO THE LIST YOU’RE ALREADY READING! LIKE, KEEP READING. YOU’RE DOING IT. I’LL STOP DELAYING.
7) A confusing toll road, a GPS re-routing, undesirable traffic, people not driving perfectly, these are all things that might keep our heroes from returning the car in time! We arrive at my Brooklyn home around 12:30pm. We have to unload the rental, then go pick up MY car where I left it for the past week and a half, THEN get to the return location at LGA(irport) by 2pm. WILL WE DO IT? Suspense over. We did it! Got there at 1:53pm. NO LATE FEES! WHEEEEEE! THE TOUR IS A SUCCESS BY THIS MEASURE AND THIS MEASURE ONLY!
8) Rewarded ourselves with a wonderful lunch at Champ’s with dessert at Dun-Well Doughnuts (see picture! and reality if you can! delicious! Washington DeliCious… but in Brooklyn).
9) Returned home with the appropriate car (mine), showered, relaxed, and continued life. WE DID IT!
10) Finally for today, a welcome rhyme to Kasey from NYC and me (mostly me):
“you live here now, in now york city. you are so wow, you are so pretty. this is your town, this is your situation, this is no vacation, like an exploding nova ovation, i’m over-flowing with total elation, coinciding in cohabitation, the past is gone, obliteration, all amazing as awesome alliteration, no more antsy anticipation, just some fancy felicitations, so congratulations, mate-kins, welcome to this future we’re makin’!”
And so, is that the end of the tour blog? Not exactly! EPILOGUE BLOG COMING SOON! EPI-BLOG! We’re in NYC right now, but Friday and Saturday are two more shows that I’ve classified as “part of the tour” so a couple final days of this to come! Wheeeeeeee! It’s almost over! Dry your tears (of joy or the other thing). The future is almost!


Today’s Totally Terrific Tantalizingly Tallied Top Ten Tour Tale Topics! Take 12!

Day 12: the east coast! almost there!

1) Went to sleep in Huntsville. Before bed, Kasey watched the rest of a Daredevil episode that SHE had fallen asleep through the night before. Not me! She! We’re the same!

2) Woke up in Huntsville (phew! would be weird if I didn’t) and we hit the road for Greenville, SC, aka Shaheenville! (My friend Nick Shaheen from Greenville set up the show there, and he’s great, like a whole town full of greatness!)

3) Checked into our hotel in Greenville. Heard a man in front of us who was having a rough day say to the clerk, “If you had the kind of day I had, you’d be down at the corner looking for the crack-man.” I don’t think this man had any real experience with crack-people. But I hope he’s having a better day today.

4) Went to Whole Foods. Stocked up on food for the next day’s drive, and food for our current stomach situations. The future and the present! Two out of the three times that don’t really exist because only now does and maybe even not that!

5) Didn’t go to Trader Joe’s as well because maybe we didn’t have time to get to the show and also do that and I’m sorry Kasey that Whole Foods didn’t have the wasabi peas you wanted but I love you.

6) Went to the Warehouse Theatre where my show would happen shortly. Did a brief interview with a local reporter. “Did she ask fun questions that you enjoyed answering?” “Yes she did.” “Were they as simple and straightforward as these?” “They were even better.” “What kind of journalism is this? Self-journalism? Is that a thing?” Sure, why not, triple question/answer!”

7) Did super fun show hosted by the aforementioned Nick Shaheen, featuring lovely comedians/people/friends new and old Cary Goff, Minori Hinds, and Ismail Loutfi. The show also featured a wonderful audience. (AS HAVE THE REST OF THE SHOWS ON THE TOUR. IF YOU WERE IN ONE OF THOSE AUDIENCES, YOU WERE ALSO WONDERFUL.)

8) Watched a couple Broad City episodes before going to sleep. THAT SHOW IS GREAT. DO YOU WATCH IT? RECOMMENDED!

9) Slept. Woke. Readying to leave Greenville. Just saw that Trader Joe’s opens at 8 and that’s when we’re hitting the road so maybe Kasey will get her wasabi peas after all!

10) And finally for now, a wasabi pea-based rhyme for Kasey…

“wasabi! hot like a tamale. also like your smile that i like providing you not like a job or a hobby, but just something i enjoy bobbing for like apples, you’re made from the best stuff on earth, just like snapple, and this rap’ll cover every aisle in the grocery store, or maybe not quite every, but listen closely more, and i’ll show you the score, which is nothing to nothing, or infinite to infinite, either way we’re tied, and we’re also tied with winning it, no limits, except for time and space and maybe not those, read my mind and face, and we’ll climb to places we can find with grace, like maybe trader joe’s now, i’m on the case! to put a smile on the face of my love, Kase…”


A photo posted by Kasey Holt (@kaseycarolyn) on


Today’s Totally Terrific Tantalizingly Tallied Top Ten Tour Tale Topics! Take 11!

Day 11: Chillin’ like a Huntsvillain

1) Trying to decide a better way to say “Fell asleep watching Daredevil.” I really like the show! It’s not boring! I just watch it at night a lot!
2) Woke up in New Orleans. Wanted to go see Nicolas Cage’s future resting place at a local cemetery (apparently he’s lived in NOLA and been jailed there!) that someone told us about the night before, but we ran out of time.
3) Drove from New Orleans to Huntsville, AL. Listened to Marc Maron interview Barack Obama. You can too! (Do the drive, or listen to that episode of WTF. The podcast is probably more accessible.)
4) Listened to new Snarky Puppy album. Kasey loves them, and I love her, and I also love them. Surprise!
5) Yesterday I forgot to tell you that one of the jazz bands we saw had a tap-dancer instead of a drummer. Or maybe they also had a drummer. But definitely they had a tap-dancer.
6) Also I forgot to mention that one of my favorite comic book creators, Matt Kindt, started following me on Twitter, and I told him I liked his book “Mind MGMT” (it’s one of my favorites! read it! highly recommended!), and he said to me “mutual appreciation club.” Which means his comic book likes my comedy!
7) Shared a vegan pizza at Mellow Mushroom. Thanks for having vegan options, the south! Was proud of myself for not eating four slices when I was full after three. That means there could be pizza left over for another meal!
8) Did fun show at the Sports Page with Scott Eason, Patrick Cunningham, Gilbert Lawand, and Mike Albanese! Met a relative of comedian friend Whitmer Thomas, and a friend of comedian friend Nate Bargatze! Check these fine folks out!
9) After the show, recorded a podcast called “I Know the Manager” with Curtis Rambo, with Kasey as my fellow guest. We did it! It will be available soon!
10) It’s morning time for a morning rhyme! From me to Kasey, as we’re touring fine:
“yesterday we were in n’awlins, then we woke up and drove from there in the mawnin’, just as soon as we were done yawnin’, drove through mississippi then alabama was like “c’mon in!” … and it’s a little cooler here than a sauna, weather has been changing, been noticing flora and fauna, how one place has geckos and another has iguanas, just the kind of thing that nature nurtures and spawns there, and now onto where? greenville, scarolina, the way that state might say its name at hallowina, but it’s june now, though we’re almost julyin’, and this tour is almost done without being too tryin’, not meaning to toot your own horn or toot mine, but if you just see a bugle that happens to be lyin’ on the ground, grab it, see how it sounds, dagnabbit (do people still say “dagnabbit”? i’ll ask on “taskrabbit” or some other site on the internet, a bad habit? no, i’m no sad addict, i’m only bad at things where i’m glad to be bad at it, or maybe other things, what, the radio’s all static), so rat-a-tat-tat it, let’s get at it and gun it from huntsville to gathersville, that’s where we’re comin’ from and goin’ to and each day i’m glad to still be knowin’ you whether high in the sky (hi!) or down in the bayou (bye, you!), and each day is full of more hellos, and love in my heart that makes me start to yell those, ’cause i’m seeing colors, reds and greens and blues and yellows (and purples too but rhymes for that, it’s hard to sell those), so we’re hella close to our destination, and then we’ve got the rest of our lives to see the rest of the nation, full of jest and of patience, because life with you is just the best of vacations. (every morning i can’t wait for you to awaken.)”


Today’s Totally Terrific Tantalizingly Tallied Top Ten Tour Tale Topics! Take 10!

Day 10: NOLA? Yes LA! (New Orleans, yes Louisiana!)

1) Woke up in Lafayette. Did NOT leave strawberries or kombucha in the fridge accidentally, OR on purpose. Drove away and drank my kombucha and Kasey ate her strawberries! Learning from mistakes!
2) Arrived at my friend Danielle’s in New Orleans. She has a friendly cat who isn’t scared of us. And I think also one that is but we haven’t seen it because it’s scared of us.
3) At lunch at Seed. It tasted great! Vegan beignets! Also other food with greater nutritional content! Funny menu items like the Seed Caesar salad, named because of the restaurant name (Seed) and the salad type (Caesar) and I think also the fact that there’s a famous guy named Sid Caesar.
4) Drove to a swamp because Kasey wanted to see a gator. Parked, got out of the car, and then Kasey said “is that one right there?” and it was! We did it! Victory! On behalf of everyone who ever went on a three-hour whale watch and watched zero whales. Then Kasey was scared so we left right after she took a brief video of the gator from far enough away that I was like “do you want to move closer” and the loudest part of the video was her saying “no.”
5) Drove to Frenchman Street because we’d been told there were some cool jazz venues there. We didn’t see any.
6) Drove to FrenchMEN Street because that’s where the cool jazz venues are.
7) Went into the Spotted Cat and spotted some cats playing jazz. A guy danced real close to Kasey at the bar and then danced away. Went into a place called Maison and spotted some cats playing jazz there as well. Fun! Jazz! Wrote some tweets about jazz and alligators.
8) Ate dinner at the Sneaky Pickle. Had a TLT (tempeh, lettuce, and tomato) that was AMAZING. Kasey’s favorite sandwich of the tour, I think. Mine too, I think. Our favorite! Also great name, Sneaky Pickle. I normally question when people call themselves “sneaky,” but it works! Meta-sneaky.
9) Did a real fun show at The New Movement Theater in NOLA with fun new friends James Hamilton and Anthony Scontrino!
10) Did I mention we saw an alligator? Here’s proof! I wrote a rhyme about it! And also Kasey took a video. See?
“gator day! not for too long ’cause you were ‘fraid to stay, and i wasn’t gonna make you pace or wade into the fray, no need to wrestle that gator, not with gatorade, who knows if his friends would come to his gator aid to cause us pain/dismay, so we just lived/let lay, and left straight away, in the way that the french say (like quoi? ah, je ne sais), we live by laissez-faire. no hate, no fate, no bait, my mate, we came away, and lived to not wrestle again a later day.”


Today’s Totally Terrific Tantalizingly Tallied Top Ten Tour Tale Topics! Take 9!

Today’s Totally Terrific Tantalizingly Tallied Top Ten Tour Tale Topics!


1) Had dinner at Masala, an Indian restaurant where I saw no Indian people. Louisiana! The food was delicious. I like okra. It’s more than OK. It’s RA! (Powerful like the Egyptian sun god, or a cheerleader’s cheer, or as responsible as a Resident Assistant.)

2) Saw many billboards advertising the best “boudins.” Didn’t know what a boudin was, but now I know where the best ones are. It’s a thing made of pigs usually, I hear, and it sort of reminds me of the word “poutine,” but that’s from Canada. If you want a boudin/poutine sandwich, you have to use those two things as bread and the United Sates is the meat of that sandwich. And if the United States is meat, then being vegan is patriotic! Did I trick everyone?

3) Saw a billboard that said “Eighteen-wheeler accident? Call this number.” Apparently this is where enough eighteen-wheelers get into accidents that it’s worth advertising to them specifically… is there a way to transfer that energy into a business that prevents eighteen-wheelers from getting into accidents? I hope so! Be safe, everyone! However many wheels your wheeler is wheeling.

4) Stopped at Starbucks, a non-Indian coffee place where I saw many non-Indians.

5) Did a real fun show at JP’s in Lafayette, LA with Jason Leonard, Charles-Thomas Vidrine, and Alex Jennings.

6) After the show, a woman came up to Kasey and said something like “I just want to tip you for being so beautiful to look at during this whole show,” and gave her five dollars. I sold some CDs as well, but not for being beautiful. Maybe my comedy is beautiful though.

7) A lot of people took pictures with me. That’s nice! One picture ended up on Twitter with the caption “Got to meet my favorite comedian tonight at JP’s!” That’s nice!

8) A lot of people thanked me for coming to Lafayette, and also asked me why I came to Lafayette. One reason I came is that there are so many people to thank me for coming! Also they asked me to come and offered me money and a fun show. Those things were not empty promises! I’m told the comedy scene here is only about two years old, but it’s performing at a seven-year-old reading level! Real fun times in Lafayette.

9) Continued the nighttime tradition of falling asleep during Daredevil. Thinking of renaming the tour the “Falling Asleep While Watching Daredevil” tour.

10) Today’s rhyme goes out to Kasey’s ear, and/or her other ear:

“your ear hurts, and i’m sure it’s not the sheer worst but the thing i hope for you is that you’ll always feel cheer first, and as we steer across this here earth, my dear person, my peer in mirth, glee spurts as we hit the road feet first, or wheels first as steam bursts and my esteem flirts with yours, we traverse, a team perfectly careening furth (forth but pronounced like colin, your dream firth), and i keenly wean this pristine (?) verse to go into your eyes, typing is ear-averse, and into your brain and heart where you don’t hear hurts, my love, i want you to do the opposite of feel worse. i hope ‘a lot’ is what my wishes for you to heal’s worth.”

Texas wildflower.

A photo posted by Kasey Holt (@kaseycarolyn) on