1) Had a big day yesterday full of fun active things, so we spent the evening doing fun passive things. Watched almost a whole Daredevil episode without falling asleep!
Day 7: Top ‘Tin (‘Tin is short for Austin, right?)
10) Last thing for today is the first thing from today… a rhyme I wrote quick as we prepared to leave the home:
Day 6: Awwwwwwww-stin!
1) Other things that happened on the 13-hour drive yesterday (or 14-hour drive, if you’re superstitious): listened to Pulitzer-prize winning music of Caroline Shaw, saw some happy cactus (see photo below), and listened to Pete Holmes chat with Deepak Chopra (on his podcast, not in real life… I mean, what IS real life). All recommended!
2) Was warned that where we were headed might be flooded. Someone’s car got totaled by rain, apparently. So we prepared for that, I guess, by being okay with living in Austin with no car or things if need be. But…
3) The rain in Austin stopped before we got there! We drove through it some, which is always nice, to drive through rain and get to your destination where it’s NOT raining? Good!
4) You might be thinking, two of the top ten things that happened in the past day were that it might rain and that it stopped raining? And now this third list item spent being a thing talking about whether THOSE two things are a thing? You got it! (YOU try driving thirteen hours and then thinking of ten different things. Also, in list item one, I included THREE different-ish things I did, so we’re even! Also, not intending to be confrontational. YES intending to be con-FUN-tational!)
5) Arrived in Austin at my friend Robin’s house. She’s nice! There were two possible bedrooms for us last night, and two different kinds of bread for us this morning, and a second kind of mango I’d never heard of for us to eat. So many twos! Really putting the TWO in TOUR. (Twour?*)
6) Watched part of a Daredevil episode and fell asleep. What will happen? More punching? More law? Woke up and didn’t finish the episode yet. Still don’t know! But I did watch my friend and amazing rapper MC Paul Barman dressed as the pope in this video that you can watch in less than two minutes as well, if you like:
7) Went to Mother’s Cafe for the first meal of the day. They’re nice! Went to Half-price Books for the first bookstore of the day. They’re huge!
8) Came to a coffeeshop called Caffe Medici where I write to you THIS VERY BLOG ENTRY! THE BLOG IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE COFFEESHOP! (Pitch line for a non-horror movie. I like not scaring people.) It’s in a part of town called “The Drag.” According to Wikipedia, it “began as a strip of shops which provided vital resources to UT students.” But you know Wikipedia. Who KNOS how “vital” those “resources” were. Am I right? (I don’t know if I CAN be right, because I’m asking a question. I mean, I think it can be right to ask a question. Especially if the question is “right?” Right?)
9) Such anticipation! This entry is like an episode of a TV show that’s all about character development and not action… or maybe not even about character development. What will happen in Austin? How many friends will I see? What and where will we eat? Will there be bats involved? A sculpture garden? Rain? When will we leave town? Will our car be destroyed by rain? FORESHADOWING!
10) I wrote a rhyme today, for Kasey as is my way. And now for you as well, so yay:
“you got me an iced tea. it goes down nicely. thanks for acquiring, hope it wasn’t too pricey, unless you swiped it in a way more heisty. i know you’re feisty but not so dicey. you contain multitudes and also are a nice G…I-R-L, in real life you’re finitely defined but i find that daily and nightly you transcend the finite, you fly high and mighty (once again, thanks… and hi… for my tea) up through the sky, whee! when you can fly, why ski? “why ask why,” a question asked wisely, or is it, asks heisenberg, or as i call him, heisy, or do i? am i me? are these windy rhymes fine or trying like trials defiling eyes, tears just piling high, fears of crying, weary minds trying, eyes growing bleary, not cheery, defying… no, i don’t think so. if minds didn’t want to try, then don’t mingle with this crinkling lingo. enjoy the succinct, and then go. out the window? with the wind, oh. take the ink your brain wants to drink and then bingo. i don’t think so? i DO sing so. so the point my love is thanks for the drink, whoa.”
* Shout-out to my many-times tour partner Zach Sherwin in thanks for allowing me to cannibalize our second tour name, “TWOurannosaurus Rex” for that “joke” above.
Day 5: the most driving happens! Also some other things!
1) Had breakfast on Tuesday at Lovin’ Spoonfuls. Used a fork. Realized I had eaten at this restaurant before or all vegan places look alike. Looked back through my phone to realize I performed in this town about a year ago. Welcome back, me(mories)!
2) Had a chamomile mint iced tea at Revolutionary Grounds, a coffeeshop and bookstore. Kasey bought us a Real Food Daily cookbook, based on recipes used by an LA-based restaurant we like. It’ll be like we never left! Except it will cost less!
3) Emailed with a pen pal who shared a fun quote from Rick and Morty: “Sometimes science is more art than science, Morty.” That quote is from Rick from Rick and Morty to Morty from Rick and Morty. Saying the words “Rick and Morty” so much is running their meaningfulness into the ground, which now makes me wonder if their names’ similarity to “rigor mortis” is intended. Also, this pen pal once shared a story that I like a lot, and that I now share with you: http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/TwoWolves-Cherokee.html
4) Stopped at a used bookstore called Bookman’s. Was proud they had a Pride section.
5) Napped! BIG DAY FOR THE TOUR!
6) Ate dinner at Tasteful Kitchen. It WAS one! Met a previously-only-Facebook (friend of a) friend/now current real-life friend, who in various incarnations of his existence has created Hallmark cards, Cryptic crosswords, probably some less cryptic crosswords, and all kinds of word fun. Good guy! Good times!
7) Did a show at the Flycatcher! The other comics were fun and nice: Andrew Horneman, Bethany Evans, and Kevin William Lee. Lots of people had cool tattoos, including one bartender who had an owl on his arm that he told me got put there during a show as part of the show, in about seven minutes. HOOOOOOOOO. (I would have said that even if it wasn’t owl-related.)
8) Stopped in at a nearby co-op that was open after the show. Purchased many fun snacks for the next day’s drive. Went home. Finally watched last episode of Game of Thrones. Slept. Woke. Then…
9) Drove for 12 or 13 hours! Saw goats, cows, and rainbows. Almost ran out of gas… stopped in at what could have been an abandoned old gas station with antique pumps that turned out to be an ALMOST abandoned old gas station with antique pumps. The proprietor was just closing up when we rolled in and asked if the pumps were operational. He said “they can be if you’re almost out,” and we were, so they were. Thank you, fine human! Made it to Austin in record time! (Records are much slower than CDs or streaming, right?) We’re there! Whee!
10) Wrote Kasey this head-rhyme while preparing for bedtime:
“almost in Austin, always in awesome, almost got lost ’cause our GPS boss was accosted by out of range-ness, it’s a strange mess, just inconvenient though, not too dangerous… and now we made it! there was some lag time in between now and the starting of that rhyme, we did some mad driving before some glad arriving, now we can move on to this straight from that thriving, onto this nighttime thing, my brain might write nine things that are the same ’cause it’s fried, not quite right rhyming, almost the tight line king, out go the lights, time, ding! so good night for now my love, you’re my lifeline thing.”
And that was the past day or so, you know, who’s counting except me and you and whoever?
Day 4: Driving has commenced!
1) Drank tea. I feel good when I’m drinking tea. It never seems like a waste of time. Like playing music, writing songs, recording them. I can’t imagine being on my death bed and having regrets like “I made too much music! And took too many sips of tea!”
2) Went to pick up rental car. I’m a Gold member, which means I’ve seen at least one Austin Powers movie. We had to decide between a reasonable-sized car that PROBABLY would fit all of Kasey’s things and a larger one that definitely would. But what is an adventure without mystery!
3) Picked up donuts for Kasey’s dad, as a thanks for letting us stay with him. Note: if you don’t like donuts, you could spell them “doughnuts” because that puts the “ugh” in donuts.
4) Packed up the car. Everything fit! As long as no one drives behind us that we need to see, we’ll be fine!
5) We said good-bye to Kasey’s family. Her dad told me to take care of his baby. Then he handed me a baby. Oh no! It doesn’t fit in the car. A joke! It DOES fit. A joke! Kasey is the baby he’s talking about. I will take care of her. Also she will take care of me. It will be like an MC Escher drawing of infinite stairs, but instead, infinite cares. THIS ONE BECAME ADORABLE. A-TOUR-ABLE!
6) Considered renaming the tour “The A-Tour-able!” instead of the “Moving My Girlfriend Across the Country and Also Doing Shows Along the Way” comedy tour. But I already had the poster made. Thanks, Joe Karg! (Everyone look at great friend Joe Karg’s wonderful work not just on my posters but so many other people’s posters and albums.)
7) Stopped in at Veggie Grill on the way out of town to pick up lunch. Ate that lunch. It’s great! Eat at that place, everyone who can and wants! THIS LIST ITEM CONTAINS NO JOKES! EXCEPT FOR THIS FAUX YELLING AT THE END, PERHAPS!
8) Drove 7.5 hours! Saw beautiful rock formations. Saw cool-looking sand dunes. Saw purple mountains! Majesty! Like that song says. That Prince, Purple… wait, that’s rain. Not mountains. I was so close. “Prince” is a kind of royalty that one might call “Majesty.” It’s on the tip of my tongue. My type-tongue. My tip-top type-tongue. My fingers. Anyway, purple mountains look really cool!
9) Arrived at Kasey’s cousin’s home in Tucson! Hooray! Tour, son! Tucson! It’s working! There’s a big dog here and several regular-sized cats. There’s internet and a nice shower and art and plants. I like Tucson! “What’s Tucson like?” “So far, there’s internet, showers, art, and plants. What more could you want?” Let’s find out!
10) In conclusion for today’s entry, here is a loose Tucson-inspired rhyme time I wrote to Kasey just before she woke:
“we’re in tucson! here’s a new song for you to chew on, once you wake before too long. what a fine crew to cruise yon to new dawns, having salads with or without croutons, purchased with or without coupons, asking passing limos if they’ve got any grey poupons (is that a reference that’s been too long and should be too gone, if you want newer references, okay, i’ll do one), and those limos are self-driving cars, they’re called Google-trons (oh, you haven’t heard of those yet? too soon? on a literal meaning of too soon, that’s a too-new one, so let me do a not-too-new one, like for goldilocks shouting “the just-right soup’s on!”), point is we’ll get our own mustard, not grey or to poop on, we’ll listen to fun music like that Shoop song, or a new one, we’ll drive across the country doing what i and you want, oohin’ and aahin’ at each place, then we cruise on and on, toolin’ along, not for too long, the point is right now, we’re in tucson. i love you! done.”
And look at this nice photo Kasey took of these nice rocks she arranged. If you like nice things.