Today’s Totally Terrific Tantalizingly Tallied Top Ten Tour Tale Topics!
Day 9: LA LA LAF LAF LAFAYETTE!
1) Had dinner at Masala, an Indian restaurant where I saw no Indian people. Louisiana! The food was delicious. I like okra. It’s more than OK. It’s RA! (Powerful like the Egyptian sun god, or a cheerleader’s cheer, or as responsible as a Resident Assistant.)
2) Saw many billboards advertising the best “boudins.” Didn’t know what a boudin was, but now I know where the best ones are. It’s a thing made of pigs usually, I hear, and it sort of reminds me of the word “poutine,” but that’s from Canada. If you want a boudin/poutine sandwich, you have to use those two things as bread and the United Sates is the meat of that sandwich. And if the United States is meat, then being vegan is patriotic! Did I trick everyone?
3) Saw a billboard that said “Eighteen-wheeler accident? Call this number.” Apparently this is where enough eighteen-wheelers get into accidents that it’s worth advertising to them specifically… is there a way to transfer that energy into a business that prevents eighteen-wheelers from getting into accidents? I hope so! Be safe, everyone! However many wheels your wheeler is wheeling.
4) Stopped at Starbucks, a non-Indian coffee place where I saw many non-Indians.
5) Did a real fun show at JP’s in Lafayette, LA with Jason Leonard, Charles-Thomas Vidrine, and Alex Jennings.
6) After the show, a woman came up to Kasey and said something like “I just want to tip you for being so beautiful to look at during this whole show,” and gave her five dollars. I sold some CDs as well, but not for being beautiful. Maybe my comedy is beautiful though.
7) A lot of people took pictures with me. That’s nice! One picture ended up on Twitter with the caption “Got to meet my favorite comedian tonight at JP’s!” That’s nice!
8) A lot of people thanked me for coming to Lafayette, and also asked me why I came to Lafayette. One reason I came is that there are so many people to thank me for coming! Also they asked me to come and offered me money and a fun show. Those things were not empty promises! I’m told the comedy scene here is only about two years old, but it’s performing at a seven-year-old reading level! Real fun times in Lafayette.
9) Continued the nighttime tradition of falling asleep during Daredevil. Thinking of renaming the tour the “Falling Asleep While Watching Daredevil” tour.
10) Today’s rhyme goes out to Kasey’s ear, and/or her other ear:
“your ear hurts, and i’m sure it’s not the sheer worst but the thing i hope for you is that you’ll always feel cheer first, and as we steer across this here earth, my dear person, my peer in mirth, glee spurts as we hit the road feet first, or wheels first as steam bursts and my esteem flirts with yours, we traverse, a team perfectly careening furth (forth but pronounced like colin, your dream firth), and i keenly wean this pristine (?) verse to go into your eyes, typing is ear-averse, and into your brain and heart where you don’t hear hurts, my love, i want you to do the opposite of feel worse. i hope ‘a lot’ is what my wishes for you to heal’s worth.”
1) Had a big day yesterday full of fun active things, so we spent the evening doing fun passive things. Watched almost a whole Daredevil episode without falling asleep!
Day 7: Top ‘Tin (‘Tin is short for Austin, right?)
10) Last thing for today is the first thing from today… a rhyme I wrote quick as we prepared to leave the home:
Day 6: Awwwwwwww-stin!
1) Other things that happened on the 13-hour drive yesterday (or 14-hour drive, if you’re superstitious): listened to Pulitzer-prize winning music of Caroline Shaw, saw some happy cactus (see photo below), and listened to Pete Holmes chat with Deepak Chopra (on his podcast, not in real life… I mean, what IS real life). All recommended!
2) Was warned that where we were headed might be flooded. Someone’s car got totaled by rain, apparently. So we prepared for that, I guess, by being okay with living in Austin with no car or things if need be. But…
3) The rain in Austin stopped before we got there! We drove through it some, which is always nice, to drive through rain and get to your destination where it’s NOT raining? Good!
4) You might be thinking, two of the top ten things that happened in the past day were that it might rain and that it stopped raining? And now this third list item spent being a thing talking about whether THOSE two things are a thing? You got it! (YOU try driving thirteen hours and then thinking of ten different things. Also, in list item one, I included THREE different-ish things I did, so we’re even! Also, not intending to be confrontational. YES intending to be con-FUN-tational!)
5) Arrived in Austin at my friend Robin’s house. She’s nice! There were two possible bedrooms for us last night, and two different kinds of bread for us this morning, and a second kind of mango I’d never heard of for us to eat. So many twos! Really putting the TWO in TOUR. (Twour?*)
6) Watched part of a Daredevil episode and fell asleep. What will happen? More punching? More law? Woke up and didn’t finish the episode yet. Still don’t know! But I did watch my friend and amazing rapper MC Paul Barman dressed as the pope in this video that you can watch in less than two minutes as well, if you like:
7) Went to Mother’s Cafe for the first meal of the day. They’re nice! Went to Half-price Books for the first bookstore of the day. They’re huge!
8) Came to a coffeeshop called Caffe Medici where I write to you THIS VERY BLOG ENTRY! THE BLOG IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE COFFEESHOP! (Pitch line for a non-horror movie. I like not scaring people.) It’s in a part of town called “The Drag.” According to Wikipedia, it “began as a strip of shops which provided vital resources to UT students.” But you know Wikipedia. Who KNOS how “vital” those “resources” were. Am I right? (I don’t know if I CAN be right, because I’m asking a question. I mean, I think it can be right to ask a question. Especially if the question is “right?” Right?)
9) Such anticipation! This entry is like an episode of a TV show that’s all about character development and not action… or maybe not even about character development. What will happen in Austin? How many friends will I see? What and where will we eat? Will there be bats involved? A sculpture garden? Rain? When will we leave town? Will our car be destroyed by rain? FORESHADOWING!
10) I wrote a rhyme today, for Kasey as is my way. And now for you as well, so yay:
“you got me an iced tea. it goes down nicely. thanks for acquiring, hope it wasn’t too pricey, unless you swiped it in a way more heisty. i know you’re feisty but not so dicey. you contain multitudes and also are a nice G…I-R-L, in real life you’re finitely defined but i find that daily and nightly you transcend the finite, you fly high and mighty (once again, thanks… and hi… for my tea) up through the sky, whee! when you can fly, why ski? “why ask why,” a question asked wisely, or is it, asks heisenberg, or as i call him, heisy, or do i? am i me? are these windy rhymes fine or trying like trials defiling eyes, tears just piling high, fears of crying, weary minds trying, eyes growing bleary, not cheery, defying… no, i don’t think so. if minds didn’t want to try, then don’t mingle with this crinkling lingo. enjoy the succinct, and then go. out the window? with the wind, oh. take the ink your brain wants to drink and then bingo. i don’t think so? i DO sing so. so the point my love is thanks for the drink, whoa.”
* Shout-out to my many-times tour partner Zach Sherwin in thanks for allowing me to cannibalize our second tour name, “TWOurannosaurus Rex” for that “joke” above.
Day 5: the most driving happens! Also some other things!
1) Had breakfast on Tuesday at Lovin’ Spoonfuls. Used a fork. Realized I had eaten at this restaurant before or all vegan places look alike. Looked back through my phone to realize I performed in this town about a year ago. Welcome back, me(mories)!
2) Had a chamomile mint iced tea at Revolutionary Grounds, a coffeeshop and bookstore. Kasey bought us a Real Food Daily cookbook, based on recipes used by an LA-based restaurant we like. It’ll be like we never left! Except it will cost less!
3) Emailed with a pen pal who shared a fun quote from Rick and Morty: “Sometimes science is more art than science, Morty.” That quote is from Rick from Rick and Morty to Morty from Rick and Morty. Saying the words “Rick and Morty” so much is running their meaningfulness into the ground, which now makes me wonder if their names’ similarity to “rigor mortis” is intended. Also, this pen pal once shared a story that I like a lot, and that I now share with you: http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/TwoWolves-Cherokee.html
4) Stopped at a used bookstore called Bookman’s. Was proud they had a Pride section.
5) Napped! BIG DAY FOR THE TOUR!
6) Ate dinner at Tasteful Kitchen. It WAS one! Met a previously-only-Facebook (friend of a) friend/now current real-life friend, who in various incarnations of his existence has created Hallmark cards, Cryptic crosswords, probably some less cryptic crosswords, and all kinds of word fun. Good guy! Good times!
7) Did a show at the Flycatcher! The other comics were fun and nice: Andrew Horneman, Bethany Evans, and Kevin William Lee. Lots of people had cool tattoos, including one bartender who had an owl on his arm that he told me got put there during a show as part of the show, in about seven minutes. HOOOOOOOOO. (I would have said that even if it wasn’t owl-related.)
8) Stopped in at a nearby co-op that was open after the show. Purchased many fun snacks for the next day’s drive. Went home. Finally watched last episode of Game of Thrones. Slept. Woke. Then…
9) Drove for 12 or 13 hours! Saw goats, cows, and rainbows. Almost ran out of gas… stopped in at what could have been an abandoned old gas station with antique pumps that turned out to be an ALMOST abandoned old gas station with antique pumps. The proprietor was just closing up when we rolled in and asked if the pumps were operational. He said “they can be if you’re almost out,” and we were, so they were. Thank you, fine human! Made it to Austin in record time! (Records are much slower than CDs or streaming, right?) We’re there! Whee!
10) Wrote Kasey this head-rhyme while preparing for bedtime:
“almost in Austin, always in awesome, almost got lost ’cause our GPS boss was accosted by out of range-ness, it’s a strange mess, just inconvenient though, not too dangerous… and now we made it! there was some lag time in between now and the starting of that rhyme, we did some mad driving before some glad arriving, now we can move on to this straight from that thriving, onto this nighttime thing, my brain might write nine things that are the same ’cause it’s fried, not quite right rhyming, almost the tight line king, out go the lights, time, ding! so good night for now my love, you’re my lifeline thing.”
And that was the past day or so, you know, who’s counting except me and you and whoever?