Skip to content

Posts from the ‘Writing’ Category


Today’s Totally Terrific Tantalizingly Tallied Top Ten Tour Tale Topics! Take 11!

Day 11: Chillin’ like a Huntsvillain

1) Trying to decide a better way to say “Fell asleep watching Daredevil.” I really like the show! It’s not boring! I just watch it at night a lot!
2) Woke up in New Orleans. Wanted to go see Nicolas Cage’s future resting place at a local cemetery (apparently he’s lived in NOLA and been jailed there!) that someone told us about the night before, but we ran out of time.
3) Drove from New Orleans to Huntsville, AL. Listened to Marc Maron interview Barack Obama. You can too! (Do the drive, or listen to that episode of WTF. The podcast is probably more accessible.)
4) Listened to new Snarky Puppy album. Kasey loves them, and I love her, and I also love them. Surprise!
5) Yesterday I forgot to tell you that one of the jazz bands we saw had a tap-dancer instead of a drummer. Or maybe they also had a drummer. But definitely they had a tap-dancer.
6) Also I forgot to mention that one of my favorite comic book creators, Matt Kindt, started following me on Twitter, and I told him I liked his book “Mind MGMT” (it’s one of my favorites! read it! highly recommended!), and he said to me “mutual appreciation club.” Which means his comic book likes my comedy!
7) Shared a vegan pizza at Mellow Mushroom. Thanks for having vegan options, the south! Was proud of myself for not eating four slices when I was full after three. That means there could be pizza left over for another meal!
8) Did fun show at the Sports Page with Scott Eason, Patrick Cunningham, Gilbert Lawand, and Mike Albanese! Met a relative of comedian friend Whitmer Thomas, and a friend of comedian friend Nate Bargatze! Check these fine folks out!
9) After the show, recorded a podcast called “I Know the Manager” with Curtis Rambo, with Kasey as my fellow guest. We did it! It will be available soon!
10) It’s morning time for a morning rhyme! From me to Kasey, as we’re touring fine:
“yesterday we were in n’awlins, then we woke up and drove from there in the mawnin’, just as soon as we were done yawnin’, drove through mississippi then alabama was like “c’mon in!” … and it’s a little cooler here than a sauna, weather has been changing, been noticing flora and fauna, how one place has geckos and another has iguanas, just the kind of thing that nature nurtures and spawns there, and now onto where? greenville, scarolina, the way that state might say its name at hallowina, but it’s june now, though we’re almost julyin’, and this tour is almost done without being too tryin’, not meaning to toot your own horn or toot mine, but if you just see a bugle that happens to be lyin’ on the ground, grab it, see how it sounds, dagnabbit (do people still say “dagnabbit”? i’ll ask on “taskrabbit” or some other site on the internet, a bad habit? no, i’m no sad addict, i’m only bad at things where i’m glad to be bad at it, or maybe other things, what, the radio’s all static), so rat-a-tat-tat it, let’s get at it and gun it from huntsville to gathersville, that’s where we’re comin’ from and goin’ to and each day i’m glad to still be knowin’ you whether high in the sky (hi!) or down in the bayou (bye, you!), and each day is full of more hellos, and love in my heart that makes me start to yell those, ’cause i’m seeing colors, reds and greens and blues and yellows (and purples too but rhymes for that, it’s hard to sell those), so we’re hella close to our destination, and then we’ve got the rest of our lives to see the rest of the nation, full of jest and of patience, because life with you is just the best of vacations. (every morning i can’t wait for you to awaken.)”


Today’s Totally Terrific Tantalizingly Tallied Top Ten Tour Tale Topics! Take 10!

Day 10: NOLA? Yes LA! (New Orleans, yes Louisiana!)

1) Woke up in Lafayette. Did NOT leave strawberries or kombucha in the fridge accidentally, OR on purpose. Drove away and drank my kombucha and Kasey ate her strawberries! Learning from mistakes!
2) Arrived at my friend Danielle’s in New Orleans. She has a friendly cat who isn’t scared of us. And I think also one that is but we haven’t seen it because it’s scared of us.
3) At lunch at Seed. It tasted great! Vegan beignets! Also other food with greater nutritional content! Funny menu items like the Seed Caesar salad, named because of the restaurant name (Seed) and the salad type (Caesar) and I think also the fact that there’s a famous guy named Sid Caesar.
4) Drove to a swamp because Kasey wanted to see a gator. Parked, got out of the car, and then Kasey said “is that one right there?” and it was! We did it! Victory! On behalf of everyone who ever went on a three-hour whale watch and watched zero whales. Then Kasey was scared so we left right after she took a brief video of the gator from far enough away that I was like “do you want to move closer” and the loudest part of the video was her saying “no.”
5) Drove to Frenchman Street because we’d been told there were some cool jazz venues there. We didn’t see any.
6) Drove to FrenchMEN Street because that’s where the cool jazz venues are.
7) Went into the Spotted Cat and spotted some cats playing jazz. A guy danced real close to Kasey at the bar and then danced away. Went into a place called Maison and spotted some cats playing jazz there as well. Fun! Jazz! Wrote some tweets about jazz and alligators.
8) Ate dinner at the Sneaky Pickle. Had a TLT (tempeh, lettuce, and tomato) that was AMAZING. Kasey’s favorite sandwich of the tour, I think. Mine too, I think. Our favorite! Also great name, Sneaky Pickle. I normally question when people call themselves “sneaky,” but it works! Meta-sneaky.
9) Did a real fun show at The New Movement Theater in NOLA with fun new friends James Hamilton and Anthony Scontrino!
10) Did I mention we saw an alligator? Here’s proof! I wrote a rhyme about it! And also Kasey took a video. See?
“gator day! not for too long ’cause you were ‘fraid to stay, and i wasn’t gonna make you pace or wade into the fray, no need to wrestle that gator, not with gatorade, who knows if his friends would come to his gator aid to cause us pain/dismay, so we just lived/let lay, and left straight away, in the way that the french say (like quoi? ah, je ne sais), we live by laissez-faire. no hate, no fate, no bait, my mate, we came away, and lived to not wrestle again a later day.”


Today’s Totally Terrific Tantalizingly Tallied Top Ten Tour Tale Topics! Take 9!

Today’s Totally Terrific Tantalizingly Tallied Top Ten Tour Tale Topics!


1) Had dinner at Masala, an Indian restaurant where I saw no Indian people. Louisiana! The food was delicious. I like okra. It’s more than OK. It’s RA! (Powerful like the Egyptian sun god, or a cheerleader’s cheer, or as responsible as a Resident Assistant.)

2) Saw many billboards advertising the best “boudins.” Didn’t know what a boudin was, but now I know where the best ones are. It’s a thing made of pigs usually, I hear, and it sort of reminds me of the word “poutine,” but that’s from Canada. If you want a boudin/poutine sandwich, you have to use those two things as bread and the United Sates is the meat of that sandwich. And if the United States is meat, then being vegan is patriotic! Did I trick everyone?

3) Saw a billboard that said “Eighteen-wheeler accident? Call this number.” Apparently this is where enough eighteen-wheelers get into accidents that it’s worth advertising to them specifically… is there a way to transfer that energy into a business that prevents eighteen-wheelers from getting into accidents? I hope so! Be safe, everyone! However many wheels your wheeler is wheeling.

4) Stopped at Starbucks, a non-Indian coffee place where I saw many non-Indians.

5) Did a real fun show at JP’s in Lafayette, LA with Jason Leonard, Charles-Thomas Vidrine, and Alex Jennings.

6) After the show, a woman came up to Kasey and said something like “I just want to tip you for being so beautiful to look at during this whole show,” and gave her five dollars. I sold some CDs as well, but not for being beautiful. Maybe my comedy is beautiful though.

7) A lot of people took pictures with me. That’s nice! One picture ended up on Twitter with the caption “Got to meet my favorite comedian tonight at JP’s!” That’s nice!

8) A lot of people thanked me for coming to Lafayette, and also asked me why I came to Lafayette. One reason I came is that there are so many people to thank me for coming! Also they asked me to come and offered me money and a fun show. Those things were not empty promises! I’m told the comedy scene here is only about two years old, but it’s performing at a seven-year-old reading level! Real fun times in Lafayette.

9) Continued the nighttime tradition of falling asleep during Daredevil. Thinking of renaming the tour the “Falling Asleep While Watching Daredevil” tour.

10) Today’s rhyme goes out to Kasey’s ear, and/or her other ear:

“your ear hurts, and i’m sure it’s not the sheer worst but the thing i hope for you is that you’ll always feel cheer first, and as we steer across this here earth, my dear person, my peer in mirth, glee spurts as we hit the road feet first, or wheels first as steam bursts and my esteem flirts with yours, we traverse, a team perfectly careening furth (forth but pronounced like colin, your dream firth), and i keenly wean this pristine (?) verse to go into your eyes, typing is ear-averse, and into your brain and heart where you don’t hear hurts, my love, i want you to do the opposite of feel worse. i hope ‘a lot’ is what my wishes for you to heal’s worth.”

Texas wildflower.

A photo posted by Kasey Holt (@kaseycarolyn) on


Today’s Totally Terrific Tantalizingly Tallied Top Ten Tour Tale Topics! Take 8!

Day 8: strawberry day

1) Had a big day yesterday full of fun active things, so we spent the evening doing fun passive things. Watched almost a whole Daredevil episode without falling asleep!

2) Remembered a dream… I rarely do! WARNING: I AM ABOUT TO RECOUNT A DREAM… In it, I was in a group of people that was being robbed by a folk and/or rock band made of at least two guys I recognized in the dream but maybe not in reality. Then one of them gave me an envelope full of what they were stealing, which were little cards worth millions of dollars. Then I ran away with the money, thinking I was supposed to. Apparently I was in on it. Then I got paranoid like it was a setup, and I thought about calling my lawyer to try and get out ahead of it. Also I called my friend Zach. He came by but was too busy to help. (In real life I think he would have.) I woke up before anyone was arrested, and I determined it was in fact a dream and not reality and I am not at any greater risk of being arrested than normal.

3) Bought strawberries and local kombucha at the Whole Foods last night.
4) Left strawberries and local kombucha at friend’s home before leaving Austin, intending to take those strawberries and local kombucha away from Austin. Maybe they will have local Austin kombucha in the next town (one that is not Austin).
5) Met an old friend and her husband and their new baby (hard to have an old baby; what’s the oldest baby possible? tell me or I’ll throw a tantrum, waaaaah! and why can’t you CATCH tantrum? or maybe you can? “hey Bill, you catch the latest tantrum in high def? no? Bill? waaaaaaah!”) at Casa de Luz. It was a case of the wins!
6) Drove away from Austin and realized too late that we had left our strawberries and kombucha. I felt bad. Kasey ate a lot of pretzels. I drank water.
7) I reiterate how good “Inside Out” was. See it! Be in touch with emotions! Enjoy!
8) Made it to Lafayette, LA, a city whose first two letters are the same as the abbreviation of the state! AND the same as the abbreviation for Los Angeles, where the tour started. This city actually is the beginning of the tour, in a way, and that way is this: it is the first city where I booked a show for the tour, and then built everything around the path to and from this city. However, when I booked it, I honestly thought it was Lafayette, CA, not LA, because the LA confused me briefly and I was like, LA, that’s in CA, so this must be Lafayette in CA, by the transitive property. Then I got an email from someone excited that I was coming to Louisana and I was like “oh no no no, you have made a mistake,” and then I realized that it was I who made the mistake. And then I realized it was a good mistake. And the tour was born! (Unlike being ripped from hearing about someone’s dream, when the bore was torn! Word fun! Are you hairy? You’re a furred one. Almost to the point where we’re done!)

10) As always thus far, a rhyme to Kasey to conclude, entitled “Berry Sorry”:
“i am so very sorry over every strawberry that i let go very far away from our so merry tour, but we got so many more from the whole berry store, so i hope you’re not so very sore, so we can soar merrily from here to every point on ourtour, verily, lighter than air are our cores, not more heavily, fueled by berries galore, so heavenly.”

Mike and the trees.

A photo posted by Kasey Holt (@kaseycarolyn) on


Today’s Totally Terrific Tantalizingly Tallied Top Ten Tour Tale Topics! Take 7!

Day 7: Top ‘Tin (‘Tin is short for Austin, right?)

1) Went to an old friend’s home for dinner! A new friend joined us. When the new friend said “what are you guys going to do for fun while in Austin,” the old friend said “um, HELLOOOOO?” (Because we were currently involved in having fun. Jokes! People enjoy jokes!) Then we went up to the roof to watch the nightly food-seeking migration of loads of bats. Saw two bats. Pretty good! Didn’t turn into a vengeance-seeking hero, but possibly because there weren’t enough bats and also my parents weren’t murdered.
2) Did real fun show at The New Movement Theater, the abbreviation of which looks a grown-up mutant non-ninja version of TMNT, which is short for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The theater uses TNM as an abbreviation officially though, which seems weird to value “The” over “Theater.” Though I suppose you can’t spell “Theater” without “The.” Building blocks! Point is, the show was fun! Locals Terance McDavid and Yusef Roach and visiting friend Shane Torres were great, the audience was great, and I was me! Thanks everyone!
3) Fell asleep watching Daredevil again. Though arguably it IS appropriate to not have one’s eyes open while watching a show about a blind man. Though arguably one could argue that that’s a dumb argument. I was tired!
4) Woke up, and a day full of activities began! Putting the “tourist” in “tour”! Not caring that that’s backwards! Went to the Umlauf sculpture garden. Love the name! And the sculptures. There was a hippo called “Lotus.” Love everything about it.
5) Went to Barton Springs Pool. Named after Clint Barton, or Hawkeye, a hero known for his aim and accuracy with a bow. And if you spotted that that’s made up, good work on YOUR aim and accuracy; take a bow! The springs are cool! In temperature and metaphysics.
6) Went to the Ladybird Johnson Wildflower Center. Saw many ladies, some birds, and no johnsons. Perfect! Swung on swings, walked on paths, flowed near flowers…
7) Ate at Bouldin Creek. The food tasted great! That’s what I look for in a restaurant. Great-tasting food! Recommended!
8) Went to a movie at the Alamo Drafthouse, a family of movie theaters that came highly recommended and with great reason! Nice accommodations, funny pre-show things on the screen, food delivered to your seat by waitstaff during the movie, many vegan options, AND I really liked the movie. “Inside Out” was so good. Super recommended to everyone who has the capacity to feel emotions, and maybe even if not.
9) Went to the first Whole Foods ever. It’s big and nice and we got food for the road. Then we went to Sweet Ritual which was small and nice and we got food for the non-road. The now? The air? Our mouths. And now it’s now.

10) Last thing for today is the first thing from today… a rhyme I wrote quick as we prepared to leave the home:

“inside bed, outside rain, outside wet, inside layin’, about to get movin’ for the day so the grooves in my brain can improve and expand and parade and our plans can be made and i’m glad that we came to the place where we are and to blast off to space and to face every star and to make every part of this day very artful and yay it’s the start…”
Have a nice weekend/everything/time is a construct!



A photo posted by Kasey Holt (@kaseycarolyn) on