MYQ Time in the NY Times

good news! my grandma is set to leave the hospital!

she now goes to continue treatment at a rehab center!

in another hospital!

so to be clear, the good news is:

she’s
leaving a hospital
AND
going to a hospital!

the hospital is dead.
long live the hospital! and the grandma!

i just helped myself not order an extra food item at a restaurant when i was already full by telling myself i was getting paid the cost of the thing to Not eat it.

have i invented something?

“you’re seated at table number infinity”

“how do i find it”

“go past all tables. after every number there is, is your place”

“i feel like i’m there already”

“yes you’ve always been there”

“the table’s been inside me the whole time?”

“don’t eat the table please”

i used to love mitch hedberg jokes.

i still do, but i used to, too.

#happybirthdaymitch

“i drink like a fish”

“what do you mean by that?”

“i live in a tank full of alcohol and i breathe the alcohol in through my gills and sometimes i drink it but you can’t tell when because it’s everywhere and also i have a little castle that is not proportional to my body”